dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
