He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize