i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
