omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
