no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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