I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So vagazzling was a success
Who died my cat blue again?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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