Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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