I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
