Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
