You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
