apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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