the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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