I molested 6 butterflies tonight
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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