Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
