Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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