She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
