she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
