Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
