Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
