So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
