I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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