i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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