I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
