ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
