i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
