Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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