I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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