I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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