hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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