It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
