I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
