I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize