Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
