i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
