Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
