Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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