He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
