i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
either way he was missing a nipple.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
