I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
