So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
