I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
