Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
