I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
