Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
