Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize