It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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