Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Holy sore nipples Batman
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
