I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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