i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
