watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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