at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
