My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
