tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
