her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
