Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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