Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
