we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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