I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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