guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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