i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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