So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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