vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
