Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
of course. lets lasso hookers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
