yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
