i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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