Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
