At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
