how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Two words: nipple clamps
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