My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
