It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize