they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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