Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
