oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so let's talk penis.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
