Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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