im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize