Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she smelled like a LAN party
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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