dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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