I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
