Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
