i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
