when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
