everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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