Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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