just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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