the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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