I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
