Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
