Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize