I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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