trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
