im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
