cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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