He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
