you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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