As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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