You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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