you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
